December 9th, 2016
(written by lawrence krubner, however indented passages are often quotes). You can contact lawrence at: firstname.lastname@example.org
In the same vein of thinking, I thought I’d make a small checklist of my own. As enticing as emails from IWantToTasteYou and DroopyEyzzzz69 are, I may need to heed Amy’s advice and change my approach.
Following are a few items from my checklist:
1. How do you feel about whiskey?
2. Are you allergic to cats?
3. Have you ever seen Human Centipede?
4. What are your thoughts on Archer?
5. Boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs?
6. Do you know the difference between there, their, and they’re?
7. Can you change oil?
8. Do you find sleeping until noon acceptable?
9. Do you rub feet?
10. Does my ass look fat in these pants?
Off the top of my head, those are the most important questions I could think of but given some time there will be more. Many, many more. And, in case you were wondering, the correct answers to the following questions are:
1. It’s the liquor of the Gods.
2. No. I love cats.
3. Yes. I’ve also seen the sequel and eagerly await the third which just happens to be on Netflix. Would you care to watch it with me?
4. The funniest best looking misogynist on FX.
5. Boxer briefs.
6. Yes, I do. I also know the difference between your and you’re and have a thing for the Oxford Comma.
7. Yes. Are you in need of an oil change?
9. I love to rub feet without expecting anything in return.
10. No, baby. Your ass is perfect.