Parenting styles

(written by Lawrence Krubner, however indented passages are often quotes)

Interesting

Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term “success,” that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.

Amy Chua’s kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven’t really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive–with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that’s all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.

First generation immigrants want the best for their children, as do all parents, but they really are not that qualified to judge what will lead to a successful and fulfilling life in the United States. Their narrow-minded formula for success (great grades, ivy league, medical school, high paying job) may work for some, but it alienates those who might find success elsewhere. Many highly successful and happy people have gotten to where they are by leaving a stable job to try to start their own company, pursuing a career in the performing arts, or majoring in something other than science, math or engineering, yet all these would be highly discouraged by most Asian parents. When I have children of my own, I hope I will be able to stress the importance of education while they are young, but allow them the freedom to make decisions and mistakes for themselves.