She or they?

(written by lawrence krubner, however indented passages are often quotes). You can contact lawrence at:, or follow me on Twitter.


at work today i was training with my coworker and our supervisor had a pic of her and her gf on her desk–coworker asked who “he” was, honest mistake as gf is butch. supervisor laughed it off and said it was a pic of her and her girlfriend, and very explicitly used “she” to refer to gf. and then my coworker, who is Queer, kept asking questions about the supervisor’s gf but using “they” like “what do they do” and the supervisor kept answering “well she is…” in a way where she wasn’t trying to make a big deal but you could tell she was annoyed and this kept up for several minutes and i was more and more floored. like how is that not ~deliberate misgendering~ and why is it okay to misgender women just because they’re butch.

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