Who is responsible for dinner?

(written by lawrence krubner, however indented passages are often quotes). You can contact lawrence at: lawrence@krubner.com, or follow me on Twitter.

I like cooking large dinners for friends. I used to do a breakfast, once a month, at my apartment where I would simply invite everyone I knew in New York City, and I would feed whoever showed up. People are busy so I never got more than 15 people at my place, but I was always glad for whoever showed up. I have fond memories of the conversations. If someone else cooks dinner, I would have to be asked to help with dinner, and then I would verbally have to commit to helping, before my help should be assumed. I am sympathetic to Tom, in the following story — unless the dinner was my idea, or I had specifically promised a specific amount of help, I would not consider myself under any obligation to help. If someone, myself included, wants to cook a meal for 18 people, they should be ready to take on exactly that amount of work. (I don’t have children, but I would assume different rules apply for children — if I ever have children, I will assume I am responsible for feeding them 50% of their meals.)

Schulte singles out for censure two men in particular. … and her own husband, who’s referred to only as Tom (but who a quick Google search reveals is the NPR correspondent Tom Bowman). Tom doesn’t even know where their kids’ dentist’s office is. He almost never takes them to the pediatrician. He is “supposed to do the grocery shopping” (the italics are not mine), but he refuses to take a list and often returns having forgotten such useful items as toilet paper. One Thanksgiving morning, when Schulte is preparing a multicourse dinner for eighteen, Tom grabs a six-pack of beer from the refrigerator and heads over to his friend Peter’s house. This holiday fecklessness triggers a crisis, which Schulte claims is therapeutic and eventually leads to a more equitable distribution of household chores. As for why, deep in “the overwhelm,” she has chosen to cook an elaborate dinner for eighteen, she never really explains.

Post external references

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    http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2014/05/26/140526crbo_books_kolbert?currentPage=all
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